Fostering Independence in Early Childhood

Fostering independence in preschoolers is not only an important part of their development, but it will also ultimately make your life as a parent or guardian easier. Here are some tips for encouraging self-help skills:

Give choices

Throughout the day, find ways to give your little one choices, such as what to wear, what to eat for breakfast, or what toy to play with. This can help to build decision-making skills and promote independence. It may be best to keep the choices simple by giving two options, i.e. Would you like to wear your blue coat or your yellow hoodie? When you give your child two viable options, your child will feel in control without the power struggle that can otherwise occur when they are trying to assert their independence.

Encourage self-care

Slowly find opportunities for your child to take care of themselves, such as dressing themselves, brushing their own teeth and hair, and washing their hands. Provide guidance and support as needed but allow your child to do as much as they can independently. Also, try framing this as a privilege rather than a chore, so the transition is smoother. So, instead of lecturing, “It’s time you do that yourself” you can build up to a birthday saying, “I think when you have your birthday then I will allow you to start picking out your own clothes! Won’t that be fun?!”

Assign age-appropriate chores

Assign age-appropriate chores, such as putting away toys, setting the table, or feeding pets. This can help to develop responsibility and a sense of ownership. Don’t attach money or rewards to the completion of these tasks, as that sets up an expectation of only doing tasks for an extrinsic reward. Allow your child to feel intrinsically motivated to help out but show them plenty of acknowledgement and verbal appreciation that encourages them to feel pride in what they are accomplishing, i.e., “Look at you brushing your own hair, you must feel so proud of yourself!”

Allow risk-taking

Allow your child to take risks and make mistakes. This can help to build confidence and independence. In these situations, resist the urge to do things for your child that they can try to do themselves. This can include things like tying their shoes, opening containers, or pouring drinks. Instead, provide guidance and support as needed and encourage your child to complete the task themselves. It might take them longer without your assistance, but in the long run, it will save you time once they have mastered the skill.